During one of my recent staycations, I got up early while my husband and daughter were still sleeping. I am an early riser and a big fan of breakfast buffets. As I have gotten older, breakfast has become my favorite meal. I prefer to get up early, allowing myself time to enjoy my breakfast leisurely. I am also observant, so my hobby includes observing people in the breakfast setting. For this reason, I got ready to head to the breakfast lounge ALONE, as I prefer it that way; I can’t wait for people to get up and tag along.
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So here I was, walking merrily towards the breakfast lounge; I took a table for three, as eventually, my family would turn up. I picked up my glass of water and sipped it as I read through a few pages of the book I was reading, Becoming Goan, What Does it Mean Being a Goan? It’s an exciting book and an intriguing subject; more on it later. I moved to and fro multiple times to ensure I ate everything I liked and noticed that I was being stared at.
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I opened my phone camera to ensure I was looking okay; there was nothing funny about how I looked. I also made sure that I was not looking prettier than usual. But my appearance was nothing new or different, so I wondered why the stares. It took me a few deep breaths and contemplation to realize that this was because I was alone, alone, having breakfast. The stare was equally from men and women, and let’s just be clear: it was not a lewd look by any means, just a sort of sorry look.
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I think they only enjoyed their breakfast once my family arrived; in my head, they sighed in relief!
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It got me thinking that this is 2024. Are we still in an era where a woman alone and enjoying her company is a big deal? I want to believe otherwise, but my recent experience proves otherwise.
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I have always been bothered by the stares; it feels uncomfortable, and I have an inane problem with people not minding their business. I love sitting in cafes, reading my books alone, going to movies alone, and taking long walks. I have been a loner, and it did not take time to realize that my behavior attracted much undue attention.
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This might not be a big deal for many readers, but it’s a big deal for many women, especially those who enjoy their own company. And trust me, we women hate it; it just takes away our freedom to think that we are any different from the men on the street. Why the awkwardness?
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Like me, if you also prefer traveling or eating alone, My advice is to ignore them: you be you, and you do you. Use your judgment for my tips below:
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Rather than being conscious of the stares, learn to inherently ignore them. It takes a while to learn to ignore, but once you do, man, you feel so at peace.
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If you are in friendly surroundings, look back, smile, and briefly hold the other person’s gaze. Most people will smile back and then look away.
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Wink. They won’t see this coming; you will know they were staring. They’ll most likely force a quick laugh, flush with embarrassment, and be done with it. Or this could backfire, and they’ll mistake your flick of an eye for a signal to initiate some small talk. It depends on who this person is.
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Make the craziest face you can possibly make at that moment; scare them off. They won’t know what to do, but I can guarantee their eyes will roam elsewhere. That, or they’ll keep their eyes shut for days.
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And finally, my favorite, start picking your nose, pulling your finger out, and scrutinizing it.
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No matter what solution you pick, don’t get discouraged by someone else’s behavior; again, you be you, and you do you! Gradually, in those stares, I am becoming incredibly independent. The trick is to stop caring about what people think. You most likely won’t see those staring strangers again. Move on and be on your way.