Jealousy is such a strong emotion, associated with sharp negative connotations, that it is tough to accept and make peace with it. Inherently, I am a jealous person, and it has always made me feel guilty, this daunting feeling that I am wrong to think like this. Many propose teaching you to let go of Jealousy and not feel jealous over time. The internet contains articles and podcasts claiming to help you overcome Jealousy. I have realized it isn’t easy to let go of this emotion completely. We are humans, not saints, so Jealousy cannot vanish like magic!
Sometimes, we see people doing spectacular things, but we don’t celebrate them. Our instant thought is that we are failures. And we wonder, maybe I am not doing enough, or I could be better if I had what they have. Then, we feel bitter and sometimes resentful toward the person we envy. We don’t know whether we desire or what we are missing.
The tables need not be turned into a complete 360, but a little, as much as can be done comfortably. Rather than weighing myself down and cursing myself for having this emotion, I tried to turn it in my favor and make the best use of it. If you are one of those people who get overwhelmed by Jealousy and get consumed with it so much that the normal functions of life cease to exist, read on; this could help you.
Before we dig into the solutions, it’s essential to understand the origin of Jealousy; now, this may be different for everyone. Someone might be jealous of someone’s promotion, wealth, family, health, or anything under the sun. We need to remember that Jealousy does not reflect that you dislike that person; it’s an emotion that makes you aware of what you lack. Now lacking itself has a varied etymology, perhaps from Middle Dutch laken, “to be wanting,” from lak (n.), “deficiency, fault.”
Now, it could be both wanting and deficiency. It boils down to what lens you want to see it through. Being an all-proponent of Jealousy, I will choose the ‘Wanting’ path. So, how can ‘Wanting Something’ be a destructive emotion? It’s simple; it’s just a change of mindset. It’s about training your mind.
So, let’s focus now on making Jealousy work in your favor, empowering you rather than making you feel bitter. Start to think of Jealousy as simple as desire; there’s nothing wrong with desire. You are born to live a life you want; no one should or can judge you for something you want.
First, envision it as a desire when you think you are jealous. This simple change of mindset can act as a huge motivator. Once you have brought this slight yet massive change in your attitude, you realize this may be a critical moment when you see someone else doing something you wish you were doing. You may be realizing something that you are called to do! Maybe you are realizing that you want something you never even realized you wanted before now.
Next, consider the reason why you are feeling jealous. Let’s think through it. Jealousy is mostly not about wanting or desiring something tangible. It’s usually triggered by the feeling it will invoke once you achieve that milestone. Also, at times, it may seem that this particular thing is important for you, but in reality, you hardly desire it. So, make sure you identify what it is that you desire or want.
Once you have decided what you want, you can channel that same jealous energy to start planning how to make it happen. You can put your intentions into action. This may start with small steps, or it may mean completely upending your life! It is important to be open to Jealousy, then use it to transform it into desire and determine what it truly is that you feel like you need in your own life.
Also, try to change your Jealousy into curiosity. Whenever we feel jealous of someone’s achievement, we fail to recognize the effort and pain that has gone into it. Acknowledge that effort and imagine yourself in their shoes. Would you make all the necessary sacrifices to level up your life and grow to become a better, more thoughtful person with similar accolades and resources?
Doing this will make you feel a genuine admiration for them, and instead of trying to feel jealous, you’ll try to build your life to their level.
Jealousy can be toxic, especially if it blows out of proportion. So, it’s essential to use these hacks and pursue your purpose so that you don’t end up angry because you focus on other people’s achievements.
Next time you feel jealous, try not to beat yourself up for it, yet try not to avoid the feeling. Believe me, you should not feel guilty for desiring something. Desires make us grow and change. So do not suppress the feeling; rather, focus on paying attention to what you need in your life. And remember that this is a huge world. There’s space for all of us to find happiness and room to go after what we desire.
Thanks for reading! If this resonates with you, please check out this post on my website here, where you can sign up to receive inspiration and reflections directly by email.
Journal Prompts for Jealousy
How often do you experience Jealousy? Where do you feel it in your body, and how does it feel?
What characteristics, traits, or relationships do you find yourself most jealous of?
What is insecurity? Is Jealousy challenging you to confront?
What strength or desire is Jealousy challenging you to confront?