How many times has it happened to you that you have felt overwhelmed and stressed after saying YES to something you did not want to do? Let me rephrase it: how many times have you felt buried in Guilt when you have said NO to something or someone?
Are you that person who gets buried in a dungeon of overthinking and Guilt after saying NO? Have you ever wondered why some people find it so easy to avoid doing something or are very comfortable saying NO upfront without an ounce of Guilt?
Trust me when I say this: they are better off. There is no other world where you will be rewarded for taking on more than you possibly can, and there is no particular place for people-pleasers who keep the well-being of others above them. So be sure you are not being rewarded for this behavior; more than likely, people are taking you for granted.
Please be aware that if you have the attributes listed above, you are a kind spirit, someone who tends to gravitate towards all things good, perhaps overlooking the flaws in others, or if you believe my theory, you have been raised in an environment where saying no was not an option.
You have been conditioned so that you want to avoid struggle or conflict and think that saying Yes is an easy option. It just lets us go of the burden associated with saying NO.
But mostly, whatever your reasons are for saying YES to circumstances where you want to say NO, you are doing more harm to yourself if any good at all.
Here is something for you to learn: THE ART OF SAYING NO.
Know and Embrace Yourself: This is fundamental in any self-improvement journey. Most of the time, we are unfamiliar with our needs, aspirations, priorities, and desires, and when we are inundated with choices, we find it hard to make a choice and take the easy way out. Self-reflection is the key to most of your problems. Take that time to understand yourself, your needs, and your boundaries; once you have that sorted, you will see it’s easier to say NO because it will not align with your philosophy or aspirations. Once you have your priorities, there is hardly any place for distractions. So, sit down with a diary and discover yourself.
Find the right words to say No and practice: Use the words, tone, facial expressions, or anything else if you have to. There is nothing wrong with finding and using excuses, a little white lie to soften the blow. Be creative if you have to be; do what suits you. Learn the art of delaying, buying time, and evaluating the request, your priorities, and whether they align with your boundaries and priorities. It is much easier to say a forceful YES instantly, but you know, your heart knows there and then that you are not willing.
Get comfortable with that Guilt Feeling: Saying NO is mainly associated with sudden flushes of Guilt, anxiety, self-doubt, and perhaps feelings of being unworthy and evil. This is a natural emotion if you are a good person. Remember, saying no is an act of self-love, of keeping yourself sane. These feelings will subside, but if you say a forceful yes, the feeling that will remain even after finishing the task will be more daunting. There is no point in regretting it later when you have an opportunity today to keep it together at the very moment.
Find your Tribe: Surround yourself with people who understand and accept your ideology and support you. Spend time with people who prioritize self-care and setting boundaries. The company you keep dramatically impacts how you react, feel, and respond to many things in life. So it becomes essential to choose what company you keep. When surrounded by people who encourage your decisions, you begin to feel good about the decision. This is but human nature.
Practice Mindfulness: Being aware and present in the moment and responding mindfully can do the trick. When you bring a concoction of emotions from the past and the not-yet-happened events from the future in the picture to decide your today, you are doomed to make the wrong decision. Base your judgment and decision by being in the moment; believe that what you have at this very moment is all that matters. If you take inspiration from your experience, you are more than likely to fall back into the pattern of people-pleasing.
Celebrate Saying NO: Celebrate every time you set a healthy boundary and say “no” without Guilt! Reward yourself with a slice of your favorite cake, gift something nice, or watch a movie. Acknowledge the progress you’ve made and the positive impact it has on your well-being.
Taking control of your life and making your decisions guilt-free and without inhibitions is a power worth having. Do not underestimate the power of saying no; relish how free this makes you feel because it is bound to make you happy. I can’t describe the positive impact setting boundaries can have on your well-being. Embrace everything that’s part of this journey: the discomfort, the harmonious way of life.
Go ahead, live the life you imagined for yourself, and don’t shy away from saying NO; go ahead, conquer!