Some memories are deeply painful—so much so that many might wish to erase them. This idea has been explored in films like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind which imagine a world where painful memories can be extracted. Yet, beyond fiction, the scientific community has also examined the implications of memory suppression and alteration. Artistic interpretations of these concepts often prompt us to consider whether what we think we desire—the erasure of pain—might come with unintended consequences.
Every one of us carries negative experiences woven into the fabric of our memory. As humans, the weight of life’s events imprints itself on our long-term memory in complex ways. Memory plays a vital role in shaping us. It helps us learn from our earliest experiences and continues to challenge our perceptions of identity, fostering growth and resilience. Even painful memories can serve as catalysts for self-discovery.
Dwelling on painful experiences can keep you in a state of emotional distress or hypervigilance, especially when those memories seem to surface beyond your control. Letting go isn’t just a matter of willpower—it’s a complex process deeply tied to your brain’s wiring and survival instincts.
Tips to Help Get Over Painful Memories
Moving on takes time, but some strategies may help.
Try to practice self-compassion
If possible, try to be gentle with yourself and practice self-compassion. This will mean something different for everyone, but this could include treating yourself lovingly when you’re experiencing pain and engaging in self-care.
Try to create some distance
Creating distance is crucial when it comes to letting go and moving on from painful memories. Whether that’s physical distance from the person or situation or just psychological distance between yourself and the upsetting issue, it’s helpful because then your brain doesn’t have to think about it, process it, or be reminded of it as much.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings
It can feel impossible to sit with negative emotions brought on by painful memories at times. It may feel easier to avoid them, but this could be counterproductive. Instead of allowing your feelings to flow, you shut them out, which disrupts the process of letting go. Instead, try to allow yourself the space and time to sit with your emotions.
Make the conscious decision to take control of the situation to let go and move on from a painful memory. This can take time and practice, so be sure to celebrate the small victories along the way.
Try to cultivate a mindfulness practice
Practicing and bringing your focus to the present moment can help keep painful memories at bay. When you start to practice being present, the things that hurt you have less control over you. You have more freedom and agency to choose how you want to respond and what path you want to chart for yourself and your life.
Consider seeking the support of a therapist
You don’t have to do this alone. Many types of therapy may be helpful to you as you work through and process painful memories. If individual therapy doesn’t appeal to you, a group therapy session can help with individual work.
Key Takeaways
Letting go of the past isn’t easy.
Your brain is wired to hold onto emotionally charged experiences, and your nervous system may take time to return to balance after distressing events.
If you suspect your symptoms stem from PTSD or another mental health condition, consider seeking support from a healthcare or mental health professional. With the right guidance and self-care, you can learn to integrate difficult experiences in a way that fosters healing.
Moving forward doesn’t mean erasing the past—it means weaving those memories into your life’s story, allowing them to shape, rather than define, who you are today.