Anuradha Roy’s novel All the Lives We Never Lived delves into the choices a woman makes when she prioritises her desires over motherhood. Without getting into the specifics of the plot, the book beautifully reflects on the lives that could have been—the alternate paths and possibilities that might have unfolded if different decisions had been made.
It was the title that first drew me to this book. It sparked a question I often ponder: what if we had made different choices? What if we had been bolder, and taken more risks? I once read that if you truly want to understand your deepest desires, imagine yourself on your deathbed and ask, “What would I regret not doing?” That question reveals your true calling—the things you most long to pursue because the regret of not doing them is what will linger most.
It seems so simple, doesn’t it? And yet, most of us miss this clarity. We get caught up in routine, moving through life without focus or intention. But there’s nothing more liberating than living without regret. Regret is one of the most difficult emotions we encounter—it’s punishing and heavy, made even harder by the knowledge that it could have been prevented if only we had made different choices. How often have you looked back and thought, “I wish I had done that differently”? While I believe there’s no use dwelling on the past—what’s done is done—there’s great value in using regret as a guide for the future.
Regret is particularly tough because the past is unchangeable. For me, regret often feels heavier than the fear of failure. What I fear most is waking up one day and realising I didn’t truly live life to the fullest.
We all have regrets. A recent life event made me reflect on my own choices—on the things I’m doing and not doing that might lead to regret in the future. How about you? Do you regret not asking someone out, not starting that business, not ending a relationship that no longer served you, or not making a bold career move? Whatever your regret, let it serve as a reminder: fear shouldn’t dictate your decisions. Often, the hardest choices are the ones we most need to make.
I wish I had let myself be happier
Sometimes, the biggest obstacle to our happiness is ourselves. When we cling to negativity or hold onto self-limiting beliefs, we trap ourselves in a mindset that prevents joy.
When you tie your happiness to a specific outcome, you give away your power. Let go of the belief that you can only be happy when certain things happen. It’s not easy, but releasing those expectations frees you to find happiness in the here and now.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my true self
We often live in a state of constant comparison, afraid to reveal our true selves or chase our real desires. Some of us fake it for so long that we lose touch with who we are.
Before I embraced my calling, I spent years in a stable but unfulfilling career, choosing safety over authenticity. Now, having pursued my true passions, I feel more aligned and content than ever. As Steve Jobs once said, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”
I wish I’d had more fun
In a society obsessed with productivity and hustle, it’s easy to overlook the importance of fun. But joy and relaxation aren’t just good for the soul—they’re essential for our well-being. Fun reduces stress, clears negativity, and gives your mind a much-needed reset. Prioritise the things you love—traveling, dancing, exercising, spending time with friends.
I wish I’d traveled more
You rarely hear people say they traveled too much. More often, it’s “maybe next year”—and then the years slip by.
Sure, you can wait until retirement or after reaching a major career milestone, but you risk missing the unique perspective travel brings in your younger years. Experiencing the world early on can shape your worldview and enrich your life in ways you never expected.
I’ve been fortunate to travel extensively, and those experiences have transformed me. Traveling early in life also eased my fear of missing out when work demanded long hours and full dedication.
Final Word
There’s no set blueprint for life, and that’s a good thing. You decide how you spend your time and shape your experiences. Let the future guide you. Consider the common regrets shared here, and take action now to create a life you’ll look back on with fulfilment, not regret.
Take more chances
The fear of failure often keeps us rooted in the familiar, but ironically, the risks we don’t take are the ones we regret most. Don’t let fear hold you back—embrace life’s uncertainties, take the leap, and trust in your ability to grow from whatever comes next.