Why is vulnerability a sign of weakness? It should be seen as a sign of courage; it does take a lot of guts to be vulnerable. Yet, people assume you are weak and pathetic if you are vulnerable. Have you ever wondered where the lack of vulnerability stems from? It stems from the mere idea of being self-reliant, independent, and not asking for help. The people who think they can handle all and don’t want to depend on anyone fail to be vulnerable. It is against their being to accept that they have failed at something.
It breaks them, shreds them, taking on more than they can handle, but still, they continue their act of being strong. Why do I know all this? Because I am one of those people. I fail to be vulnerable every time; whenever my life takes a 360-degree turn, I fail to call for help. Each time my life has been upturned, I have wandered like a headless chicken, been heartbroken, cried for hours, and stared aimlessly at the ceiling but refused to take help and show that I needed any.
This attitude has impacted me adversely more than I know and will accept. But something in me freezes when I think I should call out for help, and it is not once, but bountiful times that this has happened to me, but I refuse to learn.
Why should I learn, you ask? I’m not too fond of the version of myself that I become when I try to burden myself with expectations, with an undue need to stand up and take on whatever life throws at me with confidence. It does not come easy and takes an unimaginable toll on you. And you know what the more straightforward option is: ask. Ask for help, tell people you are in trouble, and find a way with their help. It’s as simple as that.
But here are some quick tips to start being vulnerable:
Accept that being vulnerable is OK: This is the most challenging part. The person you have been for so many years is difficult to change in a second. So allow yourself the time to adapt to this new way of living. It will not be easy the first few times, but once you get comfortable with how it makes you feel (better), you will get used to it. Be ready to allow yourself that time.
Embrace Your Authentic Self: Remember that this is not who you always were; this is something you have grown to be. Your circumstances growing up, such as multiple rejections or failures, could have led you to behave this way. So take a step back and discover who you are. Does putting yourself through the trauma of doing everything alone or taking on more challenges you can endure make you happy? If the answer is negative, open up when you are in trouble.
Aim for Excellence, Not Perfection: The most significant characteristic of anyone who fails to be vulnerable is that they aim for perfection even in the most minor tasks. They strive for perfection; no matter how long it takes, they can go to any lengths to ensure perfect results. It’s taxing on you, the sheer pressure of completing a task and ensuring everything is perfect. Instead, try to strive just for excellence, aim to do your best, and leave everything else to destiny. The more you aim for perfection, the more stressed you would be and the less vulnerable you would want to show yourself.
Embrace Your Mistakes: How difficult is it to accept that you have been wrong? It turns out a lot. It does not come easy to admit that it was your mistake. And this becomes one of the most important factor that stops you from being vulnerable. If a mistake is made, just gather the guts to accept, it will not seem easy in the first go but in the long run it will just be so rewarding. It just takes off weight your chest, the continuous thinking, the continuous guilt, accepting and moving on is the best way forward. And people’s memory is short lived, it is always you who are overthinking the situation and creating scenarios in your head, so just let it go.
Avoid Being a People Pleaser: This is the common characteristic of all who struggle to be vulnerable, they are always want to be in the good books of others. The view of others matter to them, they thrive in an environment where they are revered. This needs to stop, prioritise yourself stop trying to prove your value. It is not only impossible to be your best every time but also it is taxing on your well being. Just take that pressure off you, live your life the way you want without stressing yourself about what others think.
If your sense of self-worth is strong, you will no longer need others to define it or prop it up for you. You will be able to walk away from those who treat you with disrespect and attract those who treat you well.
Read about how not to overthink here
Awesome read!