Emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings but responding to emotions with intention and wisdom. One of the most powerful tools in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is the STOP Skill, designed to help you pause, regain control, and choose actions that reflect your values—even in emotionally intense moments.
If you’ve acted impulsively—fired off an angry email, lashed out in frustration, or turned to unhealthy coping behaviors—the STOP Skill offers a practical and effective way to interrupt that cycle and respond more skillfully.
Why the STOP Skill Matters
To understand the STOP Skill, it’s helpful to see its role within Distress Tolerance, a key module of DBT. Distress Tolerance teaches us how to survive emotional pain without making things worse.
The core goals of distress tolerance are:
Surviving crises without escalating them
Accepting reality as it is in the moment
Letting go of urges that lead to self-destructive or impulsive behaviours
The STOP Skill specifically helps you:
Prevent reactive decisions
Regain clarity
Take intentional, effective action
The STOP Skill: A Four-Step Practice
S – Stop!
Freeze—don’t react. Emotions can push us to act without thinking. Instead, pause. Still your body and mind.
Example: You receive a harsh email from your boss. Rather than firing back a defensive reply, you pause.
T – Take a Step Back
Physically or mentally remove yourself from the situation. Breathe deeply. Give yourself space to cool down.
Example: Step away from your screen. Take a walk. Allow your nervous system to settle.
O – Observe
Tune into what’s happening both around and within you. What are your thoughts? What sensations are you feeling? What’s the external context?
Example: You notice your heart racing and your fists clenched. You’re thinking, “That email was unfair—I feel disrespected.”
P – Proceed Mindfully
Respond with intention. Consider your values, goals, and the potential impact of your actions. Use your Wise Mind—the balanced part of you that integrates logic and emotion.
Example: Instead of replying angrily, you draft a thoughtful response, focusing on clarity and resolution.
Use the STOP Skill when you:
See a hurtful comment online and feel the urge to retaliate
Pass by a triggering place or person and feel pulled toward an old habit
Are tempted to reach out to someone toxic out of loneliness
Feel ready to yell at your child after repeated reminders
Each of these moments is a STOP Opportunity—a chance to pause, choose awareness over reactivity, and act in line with your values.
Making STOP a Habit
Reflect: Journal about situations where STOP could have helped. Identify patterns.
Role-play: Practice STOP scenarios with a friend, coach, or therapist to build confidence.
Integrate: Make STOP part of your daily toolkit—not just in crises, but in everyday stress.
The STOP Skill is more than just a reaction interrupter—it’s a way of life. It helps you respond rather than react, align your actions with your values, and move through challenges with grace.