Every year, the mindfulness world introduces new buzzwords or phrases that catch everyone’s attention. This time, the phrase making waves is “Let Them.” I first stumbled upon it in an Instagram post that simply said, “Let Them.” At the time, I was navigating a challenging phase in my professional life, and the phrase struck a chord.
I immediately wrote it in bold letters on a sticky note and placed it on my office desk. It became a gentle reminder I’d glance at throughout the day. To me, “Let Them” meant allowing others to simply be—not letting their actions or opinions disturb my inner peace.
Coined by Mel Robbins, in her words, The Let Them Theory is a step-by-step guide on how to stop letting other people’s opinions, drama, and judgment impact your life. Two simple words, Let Them, will set you free from the exhausting cycle of trying to manage everything and everyone around you. It’s time to build a life where you come first—your dreams, your goals, your happiness.
As Robbins explains, we waste far too much time and energy trying to force others to meet our expectations. Instead, simply “letting them” be as they offer a far healthier response—especially in our social lives. The core idea is that people reveal their true selves through their behaviour, and our role is to let them. The real power lies in how we choose to respond. Intrigued yet skeptical, I decided to dive deeper. My research uncovered firsthand experiences, potential pitfalls, and insightful explanations that drew me in even further.
How does the “Let Them” theory work?
Gloria Zhang, a CCPA-registered psychotherapist and host of The Inner Child Podcast, explains that this approach “allows us to let go of the burden of responsibility for things outside of our control.” She adds, “We cannot force people to behave in ways they don’t want to. Trying to control or coerce will always lead to more fear, resentment, and unhappiness.”
This perspective deeply resonated with me. I realized how much time I’ve spent agonizing over decisions and worrying about how others would react, to the point of losing sight of what I truly want.
Zhang explains, “By letting go of our attachment to things beyond our control, we free ourselves to focus on what is within our power.” She offers relatable examples, such as trying to control someone’s texting habits or political beliefs—both of which I had discussed with my partner just last week regarding relationships in my life. Shifting the focus to our own decisions, thoughts, and paths fosters a deeper sense of inner peace.
The theory resonates because it’s grounded in reality: you cannot control what others do, say, or how they behave. The only thing truly within your control is you.
How to Practice the “Let Them” Theory
1. Detaching From Expectations—In a Healthy Way
Work hard to release from the mental and emotional struggle of overthinking the choices others make. Does this mean you stop caring? Absolutely not. But realize that your friends’ decisions—like how they spend their free time—aren’t your concern, just as your choices aren’t theirs. You could have wasted countless hours obsessing over partners you didn’t like or the career moves your friends were making. For what? It’s their partner and their career.
Just because someone doesn’t meet your expectations doesn’t mean their choices are wrong. It’s their life, and they deserve the freedom to live it. Lower the bar for yourself, too—just because someone feels entitled to your information doesn’t mean you have to share it.
2. Take Personal Responsibility—and Letting Others Do the Same
Many of you might be inflicted with people-pleasing nature or nurturing reflex, I know I do, but I’ve always felt compelled to help—even when no one asked for it.
The “Let Them” theory can help you realise that constantly stepping in to fix things robs others of the opportunity to grow. Of course, there are times when help is necessary, but when it comes to repeated patterns, people need to face the consequences.
This applies to your personal life, too. For a long time, I relied on my partner to remind me about tasks like paying bills, scheduling repairs, or even buying groceries. I’d get annoyed when something was missed, even though I hadn’t taken the initiative to track it myself. Eventually, I realised that splitting responsibilities doesn’t mean waiting for someone else to take the lead—it means being proactive.
Now, I’ve created a shared system for household tasks where we both track what needs to be done. I set reminders for myself and plan instead of assuming he’ll handle things. It’s been empowering to take ownership, and it’s made managing our home feel more collaborative and less stressful.
Letting others take responsibility for their choices is harder, but I’m learning to give them the same grace I’m extending to myself.
3. Letting People Be Themselves
I’ve realised the importance of accepting people for who they are—not who I wish they’d be. Just as I dislike feeling pressured to meet someone else’s expectations, I’m letting go of that same pressure for others.
Ask Yourself, “Am I engaging authentically with this person as they are, or am I focused on who I think they should be?” If it’s the latter, it’s a cue for self-reflection. Obsessing over what you want others to do or say keeps you from appreciating the person in front of you. By letting go off your idealised versions, you can see people—and yourself—more clearly. Sometimes, it’s for the better; other times, it’s not. Either way, it’s real.
REMEMBER
Many of us expend energy worrying about how others perceive us, why they act a certain way, or what they may do next. This desire to control or influence others often leads to unnecessary stress, resentment, and disappointment. By embracing the “Let Them” approach, you shift your focus from trying to fix or micromanage external factors to something you can control: your response.
- They don’t text you back? Let them.
- Does someone dislike you for no clear reason? Let them.
- A friend excludes you from plans? Let them.
How it has Helped Me?
Growth is often uncomfortable, and this mindset is no exception. Embracing who people truly are has forced me to make more thoughtful decisions about who I am and the kind of relationships I want.
I’m far from perfect, but I feel happier and more confident than ever. My relationships are improving because I’m letting go of control—not just over others’ decisions and opinions but over the belief that I have to fix everything. I’m allowing my loved ones to make mistakes, just as I’m learning from my own. Most importantly, I’m practicing acceptance—of myself, of others, and life as it is.