I am in the fifteenth year of my marriage, and you know how being married for fifteen years can be; one becomes complacent, busy, and happy with the “It is what it is” attitude. But I also recently noticed that the “Silences have become longer.” So, marriages of fifteen years are not as “lovey-dovey” as in the first five years; thankfully, they are devoid of “big howling fights” like in the six to ten years of marriage. There are fewer thoughts of separation, fewer flaws visible, and less urge to bang the head against the wall 
. You have made peace with many things, learned to take a deep breath and let go, learned to do it yourself before expecting, as I say, you have become a “Mini Buddha.”
Don’t get me wrong; not necessarily, love has dwindled; it has just become more practical. The center of the universe shifts; it’s no longer the “Husband” but perhaps the children, the job, or you, ‘yourself’ with all the buzz around self-care. Probably, dinners have shifted to brunches, late-night movies to day plays, and night clubs to book or meditation clubs.
And coming back to the silences, there are fewer words exchanged; with experience, both now know what the response would be; fewer questions are asked, and fewer details are shared. And a natural silence engulfs the relationship, the couple is now more mature and in current times also “Space hungry”. Do you think it is a bad thing this SILENCE? Let me give you some food for thought by telling you what I feel.
Silence gets a bad name for being boring, but it could be the most comfortable feeling in a long-term relationship. Imagine you don’t need words to convey your feelings or needs; your partner just knows. Imagine the effort and stress spared, the time made available for other things. Silence should feel natural after a long-term relationship. Running out of things to say every time should be passe; instead, embracing quieter moments should be a new way.
Here, I am not talking about the silent treatments given to the partner when one is angry or uncomfortable. Those quiet times that don’t help bonding, forgiveness, or acceptance are just voiceless punishments doled out by one another. There will always be a need for honest communication, for talking out problems when building a relationship. Sometimes, we are silent to keep from saying hurtful things in the heat of anger. There will be times when we aren’t sure just what to say, so we say nothing.
I am interested in silence when one remains peaceful and happy. Remember, Ronan Keating said, “You say it best when you say Nothing at all.” I am trying to find the love in those silences. You know, the kind of relationship where we can go hours without talking and still be content. Being comfortable in silence in a relationship signifies trust, peace, and intimate connection.
I want to differ from the popular opinion, which values, encourages and hails communication as the key to a good partnership. Communication could be the key; of course, you don’t want to pile up your emotions and not share them with your partner. I am talking about times when silence, the absence of talking, can be an essential sign of a strong relationship.
This became true recently when on a big family holiday of several days, on one of the days my husband realized I needed a break, he asked me to go for a morning walk just the two of us, and we did. We covered miles without speaking a word. And it felt utterly normal; how long had it been since we had a silent connection like this? I couldn’t recall. Our days are filled with crazy work schedules and endless responsibilities. We endure the noise of survival, of keeping our heads above water. And with that noise comes resentment, anger, and frustration.
So this is me; I recommend welcoming those silent times with your partner. Invite them in if necessary . Acknowledge the comfort and acceptance of being in each other’s company. Please don’t force it or fear it.
When we are truly comfortable with being together in stillness and feel a connection without needing words, we know we have the makings for a long-lasting relationship. We know each other well enough to be comfortable with silence.