During one of my recent staycations, I got up early while my husband and daughter were still sleeping. I am an early riser and a big fan of breakfast buffets. As I have gotten older, breakfast has become my favorite meal. I prefer to get up early, allowing myself time to enjoy my breakfast leisurely. I am also observant, so my hobby includes observing people in the breakfast setting. For this reason, I got ready to head to the breakfast lounge ALONE, as I prefer it that way; I can’t wait for people to get up and tag along.
So here I was, walking merrily towards the breakfast lounge; I took a table for three, as eventually, my family would turn up. I picked up my glass of water and sipped it as I read through a few pages of the book I was reading, Becoming Goan, What Does it Mean Being a Goan? It’s an exciting book and an intriguing subject; more on it later. I moved to and fro multiple times to ensure I ate everything I liked and noticed that I was being stared at.
I opened my phone camera to ensure I was looking okay; there was nothing funny about how I looked. I also made sure that I was not looking prettier than usual. But my appearance was nothing new or different, so I wondered why the stares. It took me a few deep breaths and contemplation to realize that this was because I was alone, alone, having breakfast. The stare was equally from men and women, and let’s just be clear: it was not a lewd look by any means, just a sort of sorry look.
I think they only enjoyed their breakfast once my family arrived; in my head, they sighed in relief!
It got me thinking that this is 2024. Are we still in an era where a woman alone and enjoying her company is a big deal? I want to believe otherwise, but my recent experience proves otherwise.
I have always been bothered by the stares; it feels uncomfortable, and I have an inane problem with people not minding their business. I love sitting in cafes, reading my books alone, going to movies alone, and taking long walks. I have been a loner, and it did not take time to realize that my behavior attracted much undue attention.
This might not be a big deal for many readers, but it’s a big deal for many women, especially those who enjoy their own company. And trust me, we women hate it; it just takes away our freedom to think that we are any different from the men on the street. Why the awkwardness?
Like me, if you also prefer traveling or eating alone, My advice is to ignore them: you be you, and you do you. Use your judgment for my tips below:
Rather than being conscious of the stares, learn to inherently ignore them. It takes a while to learn to ignore, but once you do, man, you feel so at peace.
If you are in friendly surroundings, look back, smile, and briefly hold the other person’s gaze. Most people will smile back and then look away.
Wink. They won’t see this coming; you will know they were staring. They’ll most likely force a quick laugh, flush with embarrassment, and be done with it. Or this could backfire, and they’ll mistake your flick of an eye for a signal to initiate some small talk. It depends on who this person is.
Make the craziest face you can possibly make at that moment; scare them off. They won’t know what to do, but I can guarantee their eyes will roam elsewhere. That, or they’ll keep their eyes shut for days.
And finally, my favorite, start picking your nose, pulling your finger out, and scrutinizing it.
No matter what solution you pick, don’t get discouraged by someone else’s behavior; again, you be you, and you do you! Gradually, in those stares, I am becoming incredibly independent. The trick is to stop caring about what people think. You most likely won’t see those staring strangers again. Move on and be on your way.